East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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