Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
