Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
