So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize