What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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