She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
