that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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