I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
