yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
love makes seman taste better
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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