I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
