I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
