i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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