didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize