It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Barsexuality is the new black.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
