just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
