She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
