Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Randomize
