I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
