can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
