I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
