This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
