Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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