Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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