oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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