Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it was like eating out sand paper
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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