I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
