garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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