she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
