the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize