Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was a blind-side dick pic.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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