no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
