dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
