Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
