The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
