The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got inside last night via doggy door
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
