that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
