i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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