she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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