Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
