Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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