I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
