i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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