Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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