I puked a lego.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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