I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
