did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
