96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
