you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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