if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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