drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
