I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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