1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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