she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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