We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
