I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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