I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
