he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
