Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
