I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
