then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
