he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
