I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
