I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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