yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
