You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ugly people sure do ruin things
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
