I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
