I'm jealous of your bromance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
