Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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