So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
