I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize