i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
