I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
