If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
