He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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