Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
