This is not my ceiling
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
