Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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