My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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