I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
