Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
