Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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