So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
