She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wow bdsm is so cute
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