Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
