wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
