now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
