so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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