Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
