I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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