We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
