alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
