She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I did not marry a roomba.
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