My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
